Hello! It's been so long since I last posted an entry. I'd continue from where I left.
Things did not get better after my 18th birthday. Just more nightmares.
I met many new challenges in the family and as well as in school. I've been really depressed and lost. I've felt deserted before. I've given up all hopes. However, I've decided not to treat myself in that degradatory manner anymore. I deserve better, definitely!
Looking back at the past one and a half years, I'm happier now. At least I'm beginning to find my old self back after losing that part of me ever since I stepped into ACJC. At this moment, I feel that I've somewhat matured in the process of having all sorts of emotional turmoils. I was really afraid of giving people troubles and making them felt troubled so I tend to blame myself for all odds that I lost my self esteem and began to hate myself. I also hated myself for not being able to accomplish what I want to do well, and hated the person who was procrastinating and escaping from problems. Perhaps I was too harsh on myself, and impatient. Perhaps I was too paranoid that I could predict all kinds of negative outcomes which demotivated me from trying my best. I've changed so much in that cold, superficial, materialistic and realistic environment and I could not take such sudden changes in my personality so I began to reprimand myself for all the unhappiness which fell on me. During that period of time, I keep asking myself "why am I like this and that now, I'm so different from the past and I don't like anything about myself now!" I was full of angst and unhappiness. I am genuine and generous, I'm honest, helpful and have honour, I do not judge and my heart is simple. I forgive and forget easily because I am compassionate...I got very sad because I just could not understand the people around me and why people can have scary thoughts and harm others of their own kind who have done nothing wrong against them... WHY?! Perhaps a sociologist can answer my questions but I'm leaving this aside...

Those moments are indeed very negative and depressive, fortunately they were part of a passing phase in my teenhood. In the days to come, I hope that things would really get better. Even if more ordeals are to come, I shall face all fears with courage. I shall be happy. I shall be affirmative towards my own qualities. I shall be good to myself and stop trashing my own self esteem. I shall build up a snowball of confidence. I will become the person who I want to be without losing the Janice you all know best. I'll embrace my own strengths and improve on my weaknesses... I shall never do anything that I'd regret for life. YES. Because of this principle of not having regrets in life, I shall work really hard to achieve my goals.

To all my friends who really care for and about me, I love you very much and you know that I've always been a person who treasures the deep friendships that we share. You are whom I value and cherish. Thanks for always being there for me at my down moments. I thank your ears for listening to my sorrows and pain attentively... I could not express my gratitude any less and so for that, you are always remembered in my heart no matter where I am and what I'm doing...
To my family: It's been a really hard time for all of us. Especially hard for my parents since my siblings and I are still very young and dependent. Even though what we have gone through and are going through now are highly difficult, I believe that we have really become closer. At least I do not feel lonely anymore as I can feel the warmth and love now. I love you, Daddy and Mummy.

Cheers!!!
Janice <3>

The ONE n ONLY ♥ J A N I C E ♥.








Happiness keeps you
Sweet.

Trials keep you
Strong.

Sorrows keep you
Human.

Failures keep you
Humble.

Success keeps you
Glowing.